Bee Yourself!

Wise words of Genie from the Disney movie Aladdin.

I have been thinking about this post for some time now but wasn’t exactly sure how to go about writing it. Then I was reading a post from the blog Defying Gravity (thanks Ingrid 🙂 ).

Here lately I have been getting some new hits to my blog, funny thing about that though is they are searches about Waldorf education. See, I have been struggling with whether I was going to delete them from my blog or not.

I realized something about myself when first starting the journey into radical unschooling, I didn’t like the parent I had become. To be as completely honest as I can, actually I am very embarrassed about my Waldorf posts ( It’s so funny how things happen because Papa and I were just talking about this very subject over the weekend). Then I thought but *what if* someone finds my blog through Waldorf and reads about why we moved away from it. Well *why* did we move away from it.

I could answer this real easy by saying because it was not ME. All those past posts were not the real me. They were me trying to be someone I’m not. The sad thing is it didn’t stop with just *me* I brought my family along for the ride. Little by little* I* began to reshape them too and made everyone miserable in the process (can we say control freak).

That’s the thing about computers we can hide behind a screen and pretend to be whoever we want. We can type up posts and edit out any ugly parts. We can paint our family to be picture perfect but why?

Well things were not picture perfect in our household. There were tears, and fights, and arguments (oh and the kids had their share too). Not one person in our family was happy. Oh man did we need a change. That’s when I wrote this post https://dkjsv05.wordpress.com/2010/12/21/finding-happy-again/ and started to get real about our journey and started to get real about who we are.

I LOVE screens! I have always loved movies. How many of my childhood memories revolve around them. I remember going to the drive in with my parents to see Star Wars. I remember my dad taking me to the dollar shows to see The Karate Kid and Star Trek (how sad I was when Spock died). I remember when The Cosby Show came out and my dad and I would watch it together during the week because that was the one day I saw him during the week after my parents divorce.

I remember watching Saturday Night Live together with my “new” family. We would sit in a line on the floor ,like a train, and give the family member in front of us a backrub then after five minutes someone would yell “switch” and we would all turn to face the other way(this way the people on the end could get their backrub too). Why on earth would I want to take these opportunities away from my children! I mean my emotional “baggage” did not come from television.

Man I LOVE music! I was the heavy metal chic in school. My childhood best friend could write a post about my obsession with GNR( there was just something about a guy with long black curly hair and a top hat, okay that didn’t wear a shirt). I told myself I would NEVER censor my children’s music. Instead I became exactly the parent I promised myself I wouldn’t be. Why?

I like kicking back with my family in the evenings watching That 70’s show, or The Simpson’s with a glass of wine(or 2).

I use to cuss* a lot* (I try to be more careful now but hey sh*t happens), Big Sis could tell you the first time she heard me drop the *F* bomb. I remember the first time she said her first cuss word too ;). We all laughed( a lot, they are just words after all).

I am NOT a crafty person! Actually I would much rather spend my time kicked back with the family watching a movie or playing a game then do crafts. Crafting feels so fake to me. Don’t get me wrong I think it’s great to  learn *how* to do something useful and if it makes* you* happy then by all means craft away. These are uncertain times. We never know what’s around the bin but when I actually *need* to know how to knit I’m sure I can find someone to show me.

I use to bend over backwards making sure our family ate only homemade, nutritious food (I actually LOVE to cook) but I also love doing things with my family( like deciding last-minute to go for a hike at our favorite national park that’s an hour and a half drive away) and not worry about the poison my kids might be eating by grabbing take out.

No matter how hard we try we will never truly be able to live like Laura Ingalls (unless you live on a deserted island)because they didn’t have any of the conveniences of our time like telephones, or 911 ,or grocery stores, or hospitals or anesthesia, or cars.

Okay if you followed me this far give yourself a pat on the back (that sure is a lot of reading!). Let’s fast forward this  shall we. Has our family found happy today? You betcha we have! *We* have never been happier. Why? Because this *is* who we are.

You can choose to read here or not. You can choose to be cynical and point out my faults as a parent or you can pull up a chair and join me on this journey called life and we can celebrate our imperfections together :).

Here is to being happy!

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One Response to “Bee Yourself!”

  1. jessie Says:

    I do remember both of those occasions perfectly. i dont think i will ever forget them, and you are correct.. they are just words. love and miss you all!

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